Read This Before You Think About Exploring A ''hall Pass'' In Your Relationship
Have you ever prepared a list of the top five celebs you want to sleep with, as Ross did on "Friends"? Or have you lusted after every cutie-pie that falls on your radar and fantasized about loving them, like the suburban dads in the 2011 film "Hall Pass"? If you have done so with the consent of the person with whom you're in a relationship, it means you've been given a hall pass. A slang term, a hall pass refers to a mutual agreement between a couple that they can have a lighthearted, temporary sexual fling with a celebrity on a temporary basis, per Dictionary.com.
Scandalous as it sounds, the idea of having sex with someone you're not committed to, especially when that person is out of your league and with your spouse's permission, is worth toying with. Fantasizing being in the throes of passion with a stranger after your honeymoon stage is over is actually quite common, psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones tells Brides. However, even when a hall pass sounds like a free ticket to guiltless sexual freedom, it's not without downsides. Nowadays, more monogamous couples are open to using hall passes to spice things up. If you decide to go down this road, here's what you need to know.
A hall pass might change your relationship dynamic forever
First, a hall pass can only arise from a mutual agreement and on a temporary or one-off basis. A hall pass, as relationship coach Jessica Warren explains to Metro, can make unalterable changes to your relationship dynamic. Communicating with your real-life partner about your dream sexual partner can be fun, especially if your crush is too far out of your league for a one-night stand to happen. Bantering is harmless, but acting on it is another story. In real life, not everyone reacts the same way to a hall pass. Depending on one's moral views, a suggestion of a hall pass might be interpreted as an invitation to a breakup. Before you recommend a hall pass, make sure you are well aware of your spouse's personality and attuned to their needs.
To understand your jealousy level, try visualizing your partner play strip pong or reenact steamy sex scenes from your favorite erotic movies with a smoking hot stranger. You may go ahead if that vision sits well with you. If it doesn't, give hall passes a pass. Jealousy can raze your relationship to the ground faster than anything else. Another pitfall to keep in mind is that even lust at first sight can balloon into an emotional connection, relationship expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz tells AARP.
While the point of a hall pass is to have casual sex rather than a relationship, people can still catch feelings. An emotional connection, which is hard to get rid of, might truly threaten your relationship. And the worst part is you can't complain about it because that's what you signed up for. Therefore, weigh all the pros and cons before handing out any passes.
Set the rules and clarify your terms
While a hall pass can change the way you look at your relationship forever, it's not a death sentence if you use it right. A power couple who successfully worked out a hall pass arrangement, for instance, was Bill Gates and his former wife, Melinda French. In a 1997 interview with TIME, Bill Gates admitted to having his wife's permission to spend one long weekend a year with his ex-girlfriend, where they "play putt-putt while discussing biotechnology." We don't know how Melinda felt about it, but their 27-year marriage ended on good terms.
One thing you can take away from this case is to determine whom your partner can share steamy moments with. It cannot be anyone, says relationship therapist Matt Lundquist (via Women's Health), because certain people might make you feel more jealous or even threatened. Ask yourself if you're fine with your spouse getting intimate with a neighbor who lives right across the street or an old flame whom you know has always had a special place in their heart. Also, let your partner know how often and where they can use their hall pass. Since hall passes typically refer to celebrities, it will likely never come into play, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
A hall pass may spice things up beyond measure for staunch monogamists who have lost desire for lovemaking. Knowing that your spouse might also be someone else's object of desire, for example, can give you a newfound admiration for your bedmate. Similarly, your generosity might make your partner value you even more. If you or your spouse are naturally jealous or have a propensity to feel guilty about challenging established norms, however, a hall pass is not for you.